Ah. He chews at the inside of his lip at that. Now that she knows the whole truth, he owes her better context for everything. Even a few details that are technically classified. It's not as though she can tell anyone who will care.

"It's not why I left," he says. "Not exactly." How does he untangle this? Hard to do while he's still damn drunk. "Everything I've told you about my mercenary fleet is true. But I also didn't turn my back on Barrayar. The first jaunt was an accident." A crazy, ridiculous accident that he'd just kept right on tumbling through until the end. "I'd just failed my entrance exams to the military academy. Went to Beta Colony to visit my family. Bought a ship on a whim. Ended up in the middle of a mess."