[ That might be the nature of people like them. But Wash, maybe a little from tiredness, is given to answer honestly -- but there is still a leap of faith, here, even if it's a smaller one than other people might normally take. That look in Byerly's eyes, that anger, that desperation, how far he's going to ensure that Wash is giving him some word on something that counts. He cares for her. He believes that. Whether it's just out of duty or actual love, maybe that he isn't as sure, but from Byerly's own words he seems to understand that loyalty only goes so far.
Wary, still. This isn't an important secret, not by any means. But for Wash to give away anything of himself at all is rare. His voice is calm, his voice unfaltering. ]
I have killed a comrade, that wasn't a lie. [ Because they're both liars, aren't they? They might know more than most others do how easy it really is to fake being vile, just as easy as it is to fake a smile. ] She fought by my side, and she was a dear friend. I don't regret it for a second, but it'll haunt me for the rest of my life.
I did it because she killed her brother, Byerly. Another comrade, another friend. [ Her brother who loved her and cherished her so, and he'd be the first to come after Wash's head, if he'd lived to know what he had done. ] She did it in cold blood. So I killed her, and destroyed anything that was left of her.
I did it myself. To have that mark on my own soul, rather than anyone else's.
[ She deserved it. Someone had to do it. He was there, and when the suggestion came calm and collected and logical, Wash had acted on it without a second thought, knowing the weight of what he was doing, knowing the guilt he'd carry with him for years. Better him than anyone else. So it's simple, Byerly, it really is. He is loyal, and he does love his comrades, more than he can bear -- and he'll take on every terrible thing that has to be done to spare it from any of them. ]
There's no stronger word I can give you than that. [ And there is something in his voice that might commend him just a little for finding it -- not that it wasn't obvious, at least to Wash's own mind. ] On the love I have for anyone I call my own, I swear to you. I only want her safe.
[ And the fact is, he expects to get nothing back, here. Maybe that's fine. As long as Byerly understands this: He wants Sonia safe. That's his own priority as much as it seems to be Byerly's own. ]
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Wary, still. This isn't an important secret, not by any means. But for Wash to give away anything of himself at all is rare. His voice is calm, his voice unfaltering. ]
I have killed a comrade, that wasn't a lie. [ Because they're both liars, aren't they? They might know more than most others do how easy it really is to fake being vile, just as easy as it is to fake a smile. ] She fought by my side, and she was a dear friend. I don't regret it for a second, but it'll haunt me for the rest of my life.
I did it because she killed her brother, Byerly. Another comrade, another friend. [ Her brother who loved her and cherished her so, and he'd be the first to come after Wash's head, if he'd lived to know what he had done. ] She did it in cold blood. So I killed her, and destroyed anything that was left of her.
I did it myself. To have that mark on my own soul, rather than anyone else's.
[ She deserved it. Someone had to do it. He was there, and when the suggestion came calm and collected and logical, Wash had acted on it without a second thought, knowing the weight of what he was doing, knowing the guilt he'd carry with him for years. Better him than anyone else. So it's simple, Byerly, it really is. He is loyal, and he does love his comrades, more than he can bear -- and he'll take on every terrible thing that has to be done to spare it from any of them. ]
There's no stronger word I can give you than that. [ And there is something in his voice that might commend him just a little for finding it -- not that it wasn't obvious, at least to Wash's own mind. ] On the love I have for anyone I call my own, I swear to you. I only want her safe.
[ And the fact is, he expects to get nothing back, here. Maybe that's fine. As long as Byerly understands this: He wants Sonia safe. That's his own priority as much as it seems to be Byerly's own. ]