He can feel his jaw trembling. You broke my heart, you broke my heart... Every time she says that, he just wants to go out and find...something. A plasma arc. Point it at his own heart and cauterize the wound. He wants to run out and pass through the whole nerve disruption net that surrounds this base so that he just doesn't have to feel like this any more. So that he doesn't have to feel anything anymore. What does it take to numb everything? How can he accomplish that?

"And what do you want me to feel, then?" His voice is low and rough. "How do you think it feels for me? You were the first person to treat me with real kindness in...a very long time. And I was caught between you and - " And duty. And honor. And Barrayar. He takes all the pain of that conflict and this string of lies: "This future of being Piotr Vorkosigan's axe-man. His pet torturer. Because of my fucking name. Because of my association with a family that disowned me years ago. What do you think the state of my heart is, Sonia?"