This hurts in all the wrong ways. Something went really, terribly wrong somewhere along the line here -- when he'd left, Sonia decided, it had to be when he left. Or maybe when he'd decided to leave and she hadn't even known it yet.
Sonia wraps her arms around herself, the closest imitation of comfort she can get right now. All she can get. She wants comfort, badly -- she misses Byerly's comfort -- but she couldn't ask him to hold her now, and even if she could, she couldn't bear it to hear him say no. It's all wrong.
"I don't know," she says, her voice creaking. Her eyes are raw from crying. "Forward. Just forward. Like you said. Anywhere but here."
Anywhere but this excruciating moment of bitter triumph, already leaving a bad taste in her mouth. But what else was she to do? How could she not hurt? And she, in all her hurt and anger, demanded that be acknowledged, be recognized as legitimate. She doesn't know why she needed so badly for Byerly to validate that, but she'd felt a hole in her heart without it. Now it's just...heavy.
But a tiny tendril of hope curls in her chest. This confirmation that Byerly was not unfeeling, that his care for her was real, is real, and that must be why he's here, in whatever twisted logic...maybe Miles was right. He could've been right. There might still be a chance to convince Byerly to come back, to renounce this idiocy, and treason means death, yes, but Sonia would throw herself on her knees and beg for a pardon for him if she had to. If he'd only come back. Take it back.
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Sonia wraps her arms around herself, the closest imitation of comfort she can get right now. All she can get. She wants comfort, badly -- she misses Byerly's comfort -- but she couldn't ask him to hold her now, and even if she could, she couldn't bear it to hear him say no. It's all wrong.
"I don't know," she says, her voice creaking. Her eyes are raw from crying. "Forward. Just forward. Like you said. Anywhere but here."
Anywhere but this excruciating moment of bitter triumph, already leaving a bad taste in her mouth. But what else was she to do? How could she not hurt? And she, in all her hurt and anger, demanded that be acknowledged, be recognized as legitimate. She doesn't know why she needed so badly for Byerly to validate that, but she'd felt a hole in her heart without it. Now it's just...heavy.
But a tiny tendril of hope curls in her chest. This confirmation that Byerly was not unfeeling, that his care for her was real, is real, and that must be why he's here, in whatever twisted logic...maybe Miles was right. He could've been right. There might still be a chance to convince Byerly to come back, to renounce this idiocy, and treason means death, yes, but Sonia would throw herself on her knees and beg for a pardon for him if she had to. If he'd only come back. Take it back.