[She just looks at him for a long moment, as that wound-tight tension of giving him something that real and true fades into the practicalities of getting Sonia out and what that means for her and Byerly. Quietly processing his words with a very clear note of irritation, although there's a note of affection to it too. Because she's always found that sort of idealism a little more endearing than she really should, and especially in someone like Wash. He's broken too, so the fact that he can look her in the face and tell her no sacrifices catches her more than a little by surprise.
But god if it isn't the same sort of idealism she sees in her friends. Clint and Steve, especially. The belief that there's always an option where everyone makes it out alive, where you can save people without sacrificing something to do it. She shakes her head as she closes the distance between them with a sigh, standing close and looking up into his eyes with a sharp touch to her bright blues.]
Moy dorogoy you are stupidly sentimental. [The tone of the words is a little frustrated more than actually insulting, that way her mouth curves more exasperated than upset.] Just like my friends back home. [It's a quiet admittance to the fact that she's a little bit used to it, accepts it, in her own way even as she doesn't look away from his gaze.]
But it's not always that easy. You can't always find a way to tell the world that you don't want to choose. [Her expression somehow both sad and lightly affectionate as she looks up at him, lips pressed thin. The world was never quite that kind to her. And the people like Steve and Clint and maybe even Wash got to live in a world that was just a little kinder than hers. The ironic truth was that in the end she'd follow that optimism, that belief and loyalty to friends further than her own practicality. Her eyes warming a little, smiling a little lop-sidedly, fingers twitching.]
And yet, I keep finding myself taking orders from people that think you can.
[It's a weakness. She knows it's a weakness. And yet it's one she's guilty of as well, or they wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place. She also wouldn't have punched Byerly and started that particular mess, either. She cares too much, she just doesn't have that optimism to believe it doesn't end in ashes, unless you bleed for it.]
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But god if it isn't the same sort of idealism she sees in her friends. Clint and Steve, especially. The belief that there's always an option where everyone makes it out alive, where you can save people without sacrificing something to do it. She shakes her head as she closes the distance between them with a sigh, standing close and looking up into his eyes with a sharp touch to her bright blues.]
Moy dorogoy you are stupidly sentimental. [The tone of the words is a little frustrated more than actually insulting, that way her mouth curves more exasperated than upset.] Just like my friends back home. [It's a quiet admittance to the fact that she's a little bit used to it, accepts it, in her own way even as she doesn't look away from his gaze.]
But it's not always that easy. You can't always find a way to tell the world that you don't want to choose. [Her expression somehow both sad and lightly affectionate as she looks up at him, lips pressed thin. The world was never quite that kind to her. And the people like Steve and Clint and maybe even Wash got to live in a world that was just a little kinder than hers. The ironic truth was that in the end she'd follow that optimism, that belief and loyalty to friends further than her own practicality. Her eyes warming a little, smiling a little lop-sidedly, fingers twitching.]
And yet, I keep finding myself taking orders from people that think you can.
[It's a weakness. She knows it's a weakness. And yet it's one she's guilty of as well, or they wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place. She also wouldn't have punched Byerly and started that particular mess, either. She cares too much, she just doesn't have that optimism to believe it doesn't end in ashes, unless you bleed for it.]