[ Sometimes when Miles can't have a thing, he goes for the next best thing. Can't have Wash as a paramour? Find a way to make him an armsman. Etc.

... But he genuinely does belief Wash and his people would find refuge on Barrayar. And - perhaps more importantly - he knows that the greater Nexus will be there as well even if Barrayar specifically doesn't work out.

And it gives him another reason to go home. ]

You'd have to be, yes. Though that's less of a barrier nowadays. Military's open to both. Women too, in the auxiliary.