[ april i log: if home is where the heart is ]

[barrayarmods]

Who: Everyone
What: The sun finally comes out in proper spring, the labs are full of excitement, and Piotr prepares for real war. Your princess is in another castle.
When: April 1st - 18th
Where: the Barrayaran camp, the Cetagandan base, Riverfall Village
Warnings: TBD

Quick links:
Riverfall
Barrayar: Camp / Missions
Cetaganda: Base / Missions

TIMELINE
4/5 Eavesdropping Eta
4/6 Eavesdropping Sigma
4/8 Eavesdropping Mu
4/10 Mystery Plot
4/11 - 4/12 Resources: Weapons & Equipment

riverfall
The locals are celebrating the much-welcome coming of spring, and it is a warm one. Pleasant mountain breezes carry the far-off scent of the ocean, and bit by bit, the Barrayaran flora is beginning to bloom. Wildflowers spring up all over, adding a lively splash of color to the camp and village on the backdrop of Barrayar's rust-red native flora.

While the villagers aren't exactly hosting a festival, the entire village is pitching in to sow the spring crops, delayed by the cold freeze. But they lost a quarter of their population to the flu, and they're short on hands. So Barrayarans and outsiders alike come to the village to help, the villagers welcoming them into their homes for the night, as it's a half a day's hike between the camp and the village. While it isn't quite summer yet, the village children are already starting to splash around near the waterfall, inviting others by way of playfully splashing water on them as they pass by.

After the battle, however, the mood in the village turns to ash. With another dozen dead to bury, they've lost almost half their population in the last few months, only 48 of them left, and some of their homes were damaged or destroyed by plasma fire during the fight. Mercifully, their fields were untouched, but the village is littered with bodies, the site of a massacre. Barrayaran soldiers carry off their own dead as well as the Cetagandans, while the villagers burn death offerings beyond the fields.

barrayar
Morale is finally on the rise with the brightening weather, especially with their food stores replenished and the full recovery of the flu in the camp. Their numbers are down, but the Cetagandans' are even worse, and the tactical situation has changed. With half the Cetagandans' force either dead or out of commission, a window of opportunity presents itself. Piotr decides that need to recapture Vorkosigan Vashnoi -- if the city weren't occupied, then Micah's kidnapping by the Cetagandans could have been prevented. The base is an easy target right now with its defenses down -- until reinforcements arrive -- and the reconnaissance they'd done on the base's power generators a few months ago will finally be put to use. They may have a chance at using this to drive the occupying forces out of the city, too.

But they don't have a chance of successfully taking hold of the city without the rest of Piotr's army. About a month before the first outsiders arrived, the location of Piotr's previous camp was discovered by the Cetagandans, and the army split in two to return to fallback locations. The plan was always to rendezvous as soon as possible and reunite the army, and they need to rejoin forces now more than ever. Scouts are sent off into the mountains, looking to make contact with their comrades, and they're in luck -- the other half of Piotr's army, currently led by Major Rifkin, one of his missing general staff.

The last few months haven't been kind to the Barrayarans' supply of weapons and equipment. There's no way they could launch a successful assault on the base with their meager supplies, so Piotr sends several parties to make contact with the underground civilian resistance in Vorkosigan Vashnoi and stock up, then smuggle the weapons out of the city.

They're also low on weapons and equipment, which means Piotr is sending several parties back to Vorkosigan Vashnoi to stock up. Piotr and Ezar have contacts in the city, valuable allies who are part of the underground civilian resistance. They can provide the goods -- but one of the teams will be responsible for making sure the weapons are smuggled safely out of the city with the assistance of other members of the civilian resistance.

With Micah in Cetagandan hands, they are no doubt making progress on the Star Gate Project. Piotr, however, is convinced of Micah's sympathies, and their work could still be to their benefit -- or at least, to the outsiders'. And if nothing else, Micah would be the ideal candidate for sabotage should it come down to it. But for now, Piotr is interested in keeping Micah alive. Micah is a personal friend of Prince Xav's as well as a sympathizer, and their care was entrusted to Piotr, a matter of honor. So for now, his orders to his informants are merely to keep a close eye on Micah and their activities, even befriend them, but not to let slip their true sympathies to Barrayar. And now, with Sonia held captive, Piotr wants more than ever to make new informant contacts on the Cetagandans.

camp
Morale is on the rise, steady and surely. People are feeling good, enjoying the sun and warmth, a relief and a blessing after the weeks of cold and near-starvation. And so the soldiers do what Barrayarans always do when they're in good spirits: they drink. Evenings spent around bonfires playing cards or chest, drinking wine and mead, and they're a lot friendlier to the outsiders these days. Even the new ones have proven themselves with all the aid they gave during the epidemic, so if you're invited over for a drink and a game with the soldiers, don't be too surprised.

Of course, sometimes get taken a little too far, and some soldiers start up some drunken swordfight contests, which probably seemed like a great idea at the time. But you know what they say: it's all fun and games until somebody accidentally gets stabbed in the side. Piotr quickly shuts this down, and anyone involved, outsiders included, is likely to receive punishment, probably in the form of manual labor despite any hangover. The camp is down by over thirty men after last month, but on the (slightly morbid) bright side, at least this means that the outsiders finally get two tents to themselves, which is good considering the warming weather.

After the Princess's capture, however, the mood starts to shift back downhill. They're still not remotely ready to launch their attack on the Cetagandan base, let alone rescue Sonia. Both Piotr and Olivia are in vicious spirits; if you thought Piotr's previous demeanor was dour, he was a ray of frigging sunshine in comparison to now. Now he's furious, frustrated, and he has even less patience for time-wasting bullshit than usual.

missions
Overall, the outsiders' contributions to the spring planting on the village farm is helpful and greatly appreciated: they're able to fully sow their fields, and with the weather, they're hoping for a good summer harvest. However, no one should let Carolina around farming equipment ever again.

Hunting parties were sent out to stock up on food stores, with overall success. Some of the outsiders are proving themselves to be pretty competent hunters, much to the Barrayarans' appreciation.

Scouts were sent out to comb through the Dendarii Mountains for the other half of the army. With some help from the outsiders, William and Wash in particular, they're able to make contact with the other half of Piotr's army to coordinate and reunite their efforts.

Several parties were sent into Vorkosigan Vashnoi to make contact with the underground civilian resistance, which has a strong presence there, and smuggle weapons out of the city. There's a dangerous chase by Cetagandan patrols, but ultimately they're able to make it out of the city safetly and successfully return with the goods.

On the 10th, a Cetagandan patrol unexpectedly shows up in Riverfall when Sonia, Gavalas, and several others are there. A fight breaks out across the whole village, resulting in more than 30 casualties, including two Vorkosigan armsmen, and the Cetagandans successfully capture Sonia back to their base.

The unabridged mission results can be found here.

cetaganda
Zahal is furious at Piotr's successful biowarfare attack on his base, however accidental. It's devastated his ranks, and while they still outnumber the Barrayarans about forty to one, it's still a serious blow. The ghem-General decides that they need to force a forfeit, and they'll have to do it as quickly as possible, before Vorkosigan can strike them while they're down. The Cetagandan patrols double down and start swarming the mountains in search of the guerrilla camp.

The Star Gate Project is well underway with Micah on board, who is cooperating for the time being, though not happily. Most of their waking hours seem to be spent in the lab, though they're around the mess at mealtimes. They are certainly interested in the work -- it's totally unprecedented -- but their true sympathies lie with Barrayar, and they are entirely uncomfortable working for the Cetagandans. They're currently focusing their research efforts on possible power supplies and solving the problem of what, exactly, is getting people from the wormhole to the planet surface. To speed things along in the lab, the Cetagandans are asking for more help with their research -- anyone with any relevant knowledge is highly encouraged to step forward. And any informants for the Barrayarans are being instructed to keep an eye on Micah, too, as well as their progress on the project.

The Handmaiden of the Star Crèche is seen about the base, for certain definitions of seen -- she travels exclusive in an opaque luminescent force bubble, often escorted by one or two of her ba servitors. At the beginning of the month, Haut Sei announces the gene therapy trials they're conducting: if you're one of the exotics who lost genetically inherited powers, or were made human from some other type of being entirely, you are invited to participate in a new, experimental kind of gene therapy. Why participate? Well, they're aiming to restore any lost powers you might have had, although there's no guarantee of success, and such an experimental treatment does, of course, come with risks. But what's a little reward without risk?

base
The base feels unusually dreary in the wake of the epidemic, and with thousands of dead, it's impossible to have a service funeral for each of them individually. And so dozens of collective funerals are held, each of them solemn and steeped in ornate ceremony. The Cetagandans take their dead as seriously as anybody, and no nonsense will be permitted during the funerals. The base is only operating at half capacity, with only about 5,000 soldiers ready for active duty. Zahal has put in a request for reinforcements from Vorbarr Sultana, but that request has yet to be answered.

Haut Sei officially assumes her authority on base as Handmaiden of the Star Crèche, although Diya is, in name, still the head of the genetics project. Sei's ba entourage is most often seen in her company, but occasionally Ba Talim, one of her most faithful, may be seen on its own around the base, possibly on errand for its lady.

Diya is somewhat more present around the base now that the plague is over, but she still most frequently found in the labs or the gardens, and often in the company of Haut Sei, always in her force bubble, making Diya look strangely naked in comparison. The ghem around the base who have recovered are marking earnest attempts at brightening the morbid atmosphere that's settled over the base by decorating the barracks areas with fresh art -- literally freshly engineerd botanical creations, or sometimes hybrid biological-zoological creations…ah, Cetagandan art.

Princess Sonia is taken into custody on the 10th and housed in a cell. The Cetagandans offer her relative freedom to move about the base if she'll only give them her parole; she stubbornly and furiously refuses for the first several days, but the misery of being stuck in a cell by herself gets to her and she reluctantly agrees. Micah, the Cetagandans' other captive, though less strictly guarded, can most often be found in the labs and the mess. Although they're getting to know some of the exotics extrauniversals, they're still ill at ease here and not thrilled to be here. It isn't entirely clear, though, whether Micah's long hours in the labs are by their choice or at the Cetagandans' behest.

missions
The mess is shorthanded, and the exotics' help is much appreciated. A few of them even manage to impress the Cetagandan mess officer a little, who clearly takes the craft very seriously. (They all do.) A few of you, though…you can stick to dishwashing duty, thanks.

As is now established tradition among the exotics (because anything done twice on Barrayar is tradition, and they have done this way more than twice), several people go eavesdropping. On the 5th, Kurt and Pearl overhear Zahal receiving an Imperial writ to turn the entire Star Gate Project over to the Star Crèche. On the 6th, Jasper and Symmetra are caught listening in on a very personal conversation between Diya and Sei, and Diya's overambitious hopes for herself. On the 8th, Byerly and Lapis eavesdrop on a curious conversation between Ba Talim and Diya, hinting that the decision to cull Diya may have been somewhat personal after all.

In the labs, things go more or less alright, although things keep breaking or exploding. A plasma power pack explodes in the lab with Jasper and Whirl (which may or may not be Whirl's fault), though Jasper saves Micah from serious injury. In another stroke of spectacularly bad luck, one of the Necklin rods they've been using for testing falls and crashes down into one of the lab areas, and it's thanks to Natasha that Micah sustains anything more than minor injury.

On the 10th, a Cetagandan patrol unexpectedly shows up in Riverfall when Sonia, Gavalas, and several others are there. A fight breaks out across the whole village, resulting in more than 30 casualties, including two Vorkosigan armsmen, and the Cetagandans successfully capture Sonia back to their base.

The unabridged mission results can be found here.

Note: Negri, Diya and Gail are available for threading by request. Please hit up Madi (Negri & Diya) or Ammay (Gail) if you'd like some CR with the ghem-Lieutenant!

Comments

[vorrutyer]

"Tarn," he says shortly. It's...true enough. But Byerly's paranoid mind thinks of any number of possibilities. Those guards just looking the other way when Tarn the sadist murders Sonia. There are any number of advantages there. The responsibility wouldn't fall on the Cetagandans if that happened - they wouldn't be guilty of that crime - could just blame an outsider - and Piotr Vorkosigan would be enraged. Reckless. There would be an excuse to rid themselves of outsiders, as Zahal wishes...It could form an excuse to control and conscript the outsiders...No. Those guards are not guaranteed to safeguard Sonia.

"Then take a personal guard," he says. He gives a small shrug. "Natasha Romanova is a charming woman - speaks Russian, though not Barrayaran Russian. That odd woman Pearl, too, who was captured those months back - she's terribly serious. Satya is a lovely girl, too. Wonderful company. All capable and ferocious in their ways." He smiles wanly down at the floor. "I could volunteer as well." And suffer every moment. God. I can't take the way you look at me.

[vorbratta]

Sonia doesn't know any of these names except Pearl's -- and she hadn't even met the woman. She shrinks in on herself.

"I don't know any of those people," she says, a touch petulantly, an echo of that pout she always puts on so effortlessly. She blinks back further tears. "You could. But you won't."

[vorrutyer]

Byerly shrugs. "I will, if you want me." He smiles vaguely at the ground. "It seems unlikely that you would want me. Do you?"

[vorbratta]

"No."

She might have said yes if this had gone differently, if he hadn't kept sweeping her feelings aside, her attempts at trying to make sense of things, her attempts just to hurt and heal. She might even have asked him. Unlikely, but traitor though he is, Sonia could not bring herself to believe he would wish on her actual harm, let alone do it himself.

She just looks crushed now, tired. She wants to go to sleep and not wake up until she's back with her sister, with the hell she's called home for ten years. She wants this to all be some awful nightmare. For all that he keeps hurting her, Byerly keeps making it so difficult to hate him. Maybe Piotr was right.

"No, I wouldn't put my life in the hands of someone who won't even look at me when he talks to me. Who looks like he wants to crawl out of skin every time he does. Who won't even let me heal."

[vorrutyer]

Somehow, he doesn't flinch. What did he expect? What did he want? Yes, I still trust you. Yes, I still love you. No matter what you did. Yes, that was exactly what he'd wanted. That or I hate you, you piece of shit, you trash, worthless traitor. That would have been fine, too.

"My mere presence keeps you from being able to heal, doesn't it?" he asks distantly. He smiles down at his feet. "So it's an impossible question you asked. You never would have wanted me."

[vorbratta]

"No," Sonia bursts out in frustration, balling her hands into fists again. She almost wants to grab Byerly by the front of his shirt, shake him until he gets the point. "It isn't your presence, Byerly, it's -- it's your fucking attitude. You keep trying to only have this halfway, and it doesn't work like that. You used to treat me like a person before anything else, you used to be here for me, and now -- now I'm just the Princess again, aren't I? Too far removed from you to feel? For God's sake, Byerly, the only thing I wanted was -- "

You. She breaks off, a shaky breath turning into a quiet sob. "I just wanted my friend back."

[vorrutyer]

The sob feels like it lances through him. A knife to his goddamned gut. She's killing him slowly, cut by cut. He's going to bleed out.

"Which is why I said that we have to move forward," he says, his voice rough. "No one ever gets anyone back. That's now how life works. You only ever lose people. You - " He runs his hand through his hair roughly. It shakes. His throat clenches. He tries again. "We can try something else here. Try to figure out something else. But I can't be the person you knew back at camp. Honestly, Sonia, I've told you, I was lying to you, planning to leave. Why would you even want that Byerly back?"

[vorbratta]

"You're not dead, Byerly, you left," Sonia snaps. She's tired of this dodging, this backpedaling, because was it a spur-of-the-moment decision or wasn't it? Anger shakes her, because every dodge feels like another betrayal, makes her dizzy. She takes that step closer to him again, cheeks burning.

"That Byerly made me feel safe. Like it was alright to be myself. That Byerly held me when I cried, made me laugh, listened to me. Why wouldn't I want that Byerly back?" She half reaches out a hand, pulls it back, curling it into a first. "You said you cared about me. That you still do. Was any of that real? Was any part of that friendship real to you, or just another thing to discard when it doesn't fit you anymore? Do you care now? Did you care then? Were you really that close, close enough to mourn it, or was it just something I was just foolish enough to buy into? Which is it, Byerly? Because if it wasn't real, if you never meant any of it enough for it to survive what you keep insisting was nothing personal, then just tell me now. Spare me my grief. Let me heal. But don't you hold that cut open like this because it suits your ego, your self-pity, your whatever -- if you really, truly believe that none of that was real enough to be worth saving, that my feelings were that stupid and misguided, then just cut me loose now."

She's angry, yes, but there's a desperation in her voice. She's tired. The longer he stays, the further any hope of solace drifts away. She's hurt, she's so hurt by his betrayal, but she misses his comfort even more. He just -- he just keeps yanking it out of reach, refusing to let her close the gap between her hurt and her healing enough for her to reach him.

[vorrutyer]

The words fall one after another like blows - unrelenting, unflagging. He's left nearly staggering under their intensity. He's left dizzy and miserable. What is he to say? What can he say? He feels torn in two. God, why did he come here? Why did he think he could endure this?

Because he has to. Because he must. Because his job isn't just to maintain his cover. His job is to protect her in every way he is able. A Vor's service is not just in body; a Vor's service is in soul. He can hold nothing back if it means her well-being, not even in his self-loathing, not even in his defensiveness.

And so, eyes pressed shut, chest tight, he whispers just three words: "It was real."

[vorbratta]

By this point, Sonia really was expecting him to cut her loose, to tell her it was nothing, nothing to mourn over -- or another verbal smoke-and-mirrors act, only confusing her further. But at those words she goes utterly still, staring at him, almost afraid to move, as though that might shatter this delicate moment, undo it entirely.

It's the answer she wanted to hear, insofar as she wanted any answers to this, this ultimately unsolvable problem, because at the end of the day Byerly is still a traitor. But it does matter. It matters immensely. It is, in its way, an almost unbearable relief. It doesn't hurt any less, it just hurts -- differently. In a way she can bear. Sonia's breath catches in her throat, and she almost chokes on it, but she can breathe.

"It was real," she whispers back, in affirmation, insistence. She wraps her arms around herself, feeling tears well up again, wishing desperately for comfort. She wishes her sister were here -- no, she wishes Beth were here. Beth wouldn't pass any I-told-you-so's over this. "And so my feelings are real. And so you are real. You couldn't have hurt me if you weren't. If none of it was."

If this is some kind of victory, it's bitter as hell and she chokes on it, but even if she wanted to take it back, she couldn't. There is still so much to untangle, so much she must struggle through -- but now, at least, she has a clearer picture. She knows how Byerly's defection should make her feel.

She still wants it all undone.

Sonia's breathing is ragged, short, still interrupted by irregular hiccups. "So start there," she says, reaching out despite herself. "That's where you start."

[vorrutyer]

How grand that makes him feel. How marvelous. He wants to take it back at once, deny it. Because in spite of everything - in spite of her tears and misery, in spite of his furious arguments that he needed to tell Sonia, that she'd be devastated - he still rather...held onto hope that it wasn't real. Who, after all, gives a damn about him? He's built his entire career on the strength of how inconsequential he is - on his ability to flit into someone's life and back out again without them noticing. His strength as an informant depends entirely on how little anyone gives a damn about him. And that's awlways been okay. He's never given a damn about their indifference. Indeed, he's found it so comfortable - after all, there's rather a lot of pain inherent in betraying a friend to ImpSec, but very little in betraying your dissolute drunken acquaintance. Why the hell would Sonia, a princess, someone who is adored and adoring, someone so vital to people that the entire war might turn on her welfare - why the hell would she care for a useless, sardonic, drunken town fool?

I don't want to be real. He wants to turn into nothing, air and vapor. Become a stone. He wants to scorch off the hands that touched her, cut out the tongue that charmed her. He didn't know he could hurt this bad anymore. He thought he'd grown out of these nerve receptors. Do the haut have some buried bioweapon that might ossify him? He'll throw himself on their mercy if they'd just use it.

"And go where?" His voice is a low rasp. "Where is there to go from there?"

[vorbratta]

This hurts in all the wrong ways. Something went really, terribly wrong somewhere along the line here -- when he'd left, Sonia decided, it had to be when he left. Or maybe when he'd decided to leave and she hadn't even known it yet.

Sonia wraps her arms around herself, the closest imitation of comfort she can get right now. All she can get. She wants comfort, badly -- she misses Byerly's comfort -- but she couldn't ask him to hold her now, and even if she could, she couldn't bear it to hear him say no. It's all wrong.

"I don't know," she says, her voice creaking. Her eyes are raw from crying. "Forward. Just forward. Like you said. Anywhere but here."

Anywhere but this excruciating moment of bitter triumph, already leaving a bad taste in her mouth. But what else was she to do? How could she not hurt? And she, in all her hurt and anger, demanded that be acknowledged, be recognized as legitimate. She doesn't know why she needed so badly for Byerly to validate that, but she'd felt a hole in her heart without it. Now it's just...heavy.

But a tiny tendril of hope curls in her chest. This confirmation that Byerly was not unfeeling, that his care for her was real, is real, and that must be why he's here, in whatever twisted logic...maybe Miles was right. He could've been right. There might still be a chance to convince Byerly to come back, to renounce this idiocy, and treason means death, yes, but Sonia would throw herself on her knees and beg for a pardon for him if she had to. If he'd only come back. Take it back.

[vorrutyer]

"Forward, then."

He can't think about himself. That's going to be the key here. He needs to destroy himself, utterly abnegate any and all desires of his own. He can't think of his own hurt. He just needs to be what she needs him to be so that she can be happy and healthy. So that she can survive this. He will drag himself through fire and shit if it means her welfare. He will burn everything that is inviolably Byerly Vorrutyer - independence, pride, unsentimental pragmatism - if it is for her good.

"But can you move forward in this cell, Sonia?" He gives a small shrug. "Seeing me only when I decide to stop by? Seeing others only when they decide that? That seems like a way to stagnate."

[vorbratta]

A tiny bit of relief whispers through her when he concedes that, at least, and a little more when the subject shifts, even if it isn't an altogether comfortable one. Still better than before. Sonia looks away, lips pressed together, and her hand goes to the bandage cut on her forehead -- discreet, and partially hidden by her hair, but bruised around the edges.

"That woman -- Tarn. Tarn is out there."

It isn't the whole reason, sheer Vorish pride plays a major part in it, but that fight is still so fresh so as to leave her still shaken.

[vorrutyer]

"Yes," he concedes. He tries to put some steel in his spine. God, he wishes he were anywhere but here. He's not brave - that's the problem, more than any other. He is not a brave man. Never has been. Why is he here playing anything but the coward?

"But what exactly are you expecting to follow from that fact? Do you expect her to kill you? Under the Cetagandans' noses? And for what reason? She didn't kill you on the battlefield; why would she kill you here?"

Listen to him. Like a miniature Piotr Vorkosigan himself. He wants to vomit.

[vorbratta]

"No, I don't think she's going to kill me." Sonia purses her lips. Even with the way Tarn had clearly succumbed to the rush of the fight, even for a moment, there's nothing about that terrifying woman that suggests she's stupid.

"That would be idiocy. If she were going to kill me, it would've been in -- it would've been back there." It's too raw to think about now, all the bodies on the ground even while people were still fighting. Tarn's cruel voice in her ear, pointing out every wasteful, useless death in the futile effort to protect her. Sonia falls back away from Byerly, the few steps it takes for her to drop back down onto her cot. She feels very small. "There were explicit orders to -- take me alive. And she did. She just chose to do it...her way."

Didn't she know she could have just used the stunner to drop Sonia, to drop Miles instead of beating them both over the head with it? No, she knew how to use a stunner. She'd just preferred to hit instead of shoot.

[vorrutyer]

Byerly nods. Good. He'd been half afraid that Sonia would succumb to...well. To her usual instinct to be absurdly dramatic in all things. An instinct they have in common, he supposes...In any case. The fact that she's not declaring that, yes, Tarn will murder her and no one can stop her - that's good. That's a step in the right direction.

He needs to ignore the implication of what doing it her way. He needs to...not be angry. Anger leads to recklessness.

"So if she won't kill you here," By says, "what are you expecting out of her?"

[vorbratta]

Sonia's lips twist. "I know a sadist when I see one, Byerly. I know the guards are here just as much to protect me as they are to keep me in. But I'm afraid that...I don't know."

She shakes her head. "Never mind. It's silly. I just don't want to go out." She looks up at him, brow knit, lips pursed. "Would you, if you were me? Would you prefer to be forced into awkward socialization with a bunch of ghem who will treat you with contempt at worst, as a novelty, something to be gawked at at best?"

[vorrutyer]

"Well, bear in mind that I am cowardly, traitorous scum who has well earned the penalty of death by starvation and exposure." He says that with a bite of sarcasm, a realistic dose of frustration from a man who sees no crime in his unspeakably criminal acts. The realism of it is helped by tapping into his own frustration with - oh, hell, with everyone in his life.

"But if I were you? I'd recognize that I'm potentially a one-woman Barrayaran embassy, installed in the Cetagandan base." He flips a hand sardonically. "Here to propagandize the enemy, convert the uncommitted, build connections, find bridges of diplomacy." It's a bit of a risk, saying all that, but...He thinks that the Cetagandans listening in would be more suspicious if he didn't try every trick he had to try to get her to give her parole. "A Vor woman's role is to serve, is it not? Serve."

[vorbratta]

Sonia goes slightly stone-faced at that, a look of her sister's she tries imitating, although not altogether successfully. She might be naive, but she isn't stupid. She knows well by now that no matter how genuine their friendship had been, that doesn't mean he isn't still trying to manipulate her.

He isn't wrong, is the thing. Isn't that the role she's tried to reclaim for herself, a symbol of -- relief, if nothing else? But the outsiders are few, and the Cetagandans here are in the thousands, and somehow she doesn't think she'll be swaying many of them.

But he isn't wrong about her sitting in this cell, either. She already hates it, already wonders how long she could abide it, but Betan as she is, Sonia is far more Barrayaran than she likes to admit. The pride that keeps her from giving her parole is utterly Vor.

"Boost morale?" she suggests, with just the lightest sardonic touch.

[vorrutyer]

He offers a shrug in return. "You asked me what I would do," he says. With a thin smile, he says, "I am not you, Sonia, and I cannot do what you do. No one would follow me into battle, nor have their heart turned by my words. The only thing I'm generally able to move people to do is leave the room when I walk in. You, on the other hand..."

Another shrug. "Because if you stay in this room, the only thing you can do to contribute to the war effort is eat as much food as humanly possible so that they have to spend a little more money to keep you prisoner. And then if you do that, you'll get so fat that when the Barrayarans try to rescue you they won't be able to haul you out of the room. Do you want to break poor Armsman Galavas' back with your corpulence?"

[vorbratta]

Sonia flushes at that, that reminder of what she is, and it brings to mind all those dead in the village again. Yes, people will follow her, fight for her, die for her. She hates it, but she can't rid of herself of it.

She hates it when Byerly has a point.

But that joke, however intended, gets an involuntary tug at the corner of her mouth, though she determinedly does not smile.

"I don't know. I don't know, alright? I've only just got here, and I hate it already, and I don't have a plan to deal with -- any of this on my own."

She's never had to do anything alone before, not truly.

[vorrutyer]

He gives her a small shrug. God, he hates how small she sounds. He hates how small she makes herself sound.

Well. "You're hardly alone," he says. "As I said. I might be an enemy to Barrayar now, but I am not a personal enemy to you. I'm here to talk to." He saw that tiny twitch at the corner of her mouth, and so he goes on, "And to roll you around in a wheelbarrow once your chubby legs give out."

[vorbratta]

Sonia quickly ducks her head to hide the involuntary smile, however small. The humor feels all wrong, out of place, and yet it is a small comfort. Talking to Byerly like he's still her friend like before, like little has changed...she can't do that. It's impossible now. And she's not sure she knows how to talk to him now. She hasn't figured it out yet.

She draws her knees up onto the cot and wraps her arms around them, resting her forehead with a sigh. She's suddenly exhausted. All that crying, shouting, excruciating emotional tug-of-war has her spent. "I think I'd like to be alone now," she mumbles into her knees.

[vorrutyer]

Ah. Yes. Of course. He feels that rejection like a cut to the heart. But what else should he expect? That rejection is her right - and more than that, it is right. He deserves this hurt.

He bows to her without another word, and turns to knock on the door, to be let out again. Not even a word of goodbye; just an acceptance of her wishes.