[ may i log: the good fight ]

[barrayarmods]

Who: Everyone
What: The culmination of months of planning and suffering finally comes to bear as the Barrayarans launch their debilitating attack on the Cetagandan base. Politics, as always, go sight unseen but felt everywhere.
When: May 1st - 18th
Where: the Barrayaran camp, the Cetagandan base, Riverfall Village
Warnings: TBD

Quick links:
Riverfall
Barrayar: Camp / Missions
Cetaganda: Base / Missions

TIMELINE
5/5 Eavesdropping
5/7 Hacking
5/11 Mystery Plot
5/15 Attack on the Cetagandan base

riverfall
The village is finally starting to get back on its feet after a few blessedly uneventful weeks. Other than the routine Cetagandan patrols, there hasn't been much activity in the village, and no new strife. The villagers merely continue their rebuilding efforts and tend to their fields, and they'll still gladly accept any help offered by outsiders.

With the village down nearly half its population, there's room to grow, even after last month's fight destroyed some of the homes, so Speaker Gura has been taking in refugees from other nearby hill villages – about ten refugees have moved to settle anew in Riverfall in the last few weeks.

barrayar
The time to strike is now.

All three camps are preoccupied with preparations for the attack on the 15th: as far as Barrayaran intelligence knows, no reinforcements are on their way to the Cetagandan base, and the guerrillas need to strike while the Cetagandans are still down nearly half their forces. It's the only shot they have at forcing the occupying troops to leave Vorkosigan Vashnoi and give them a chance at retaking the city – and they're not throwing away this shot, because they might not get another one.

The political unease surrounding Dorca and Yuri is a quieter tension, plaguing only those politically savvy (or well-positioned) enough to understand the situation, but if you're paying close enough attention to the moody Crown Prince, you'll note that Yuri's primary concern isn't the outsiders, but something much closer to home. He's never been a particularly warm man by anyone's account, but lately he's especially given to foul moods, and only part of it is grief for his most recently deceased son.

All further attempts at hostage negotiation from Zahal have been as curtly denied as the first, and just about as politely. Incorporating a rescue plan into their attack strategy wasn't exactly easy, but they won't get another shot than this at rescuing Princess Sonia – or Byerly, whose cover as a spy was recently blown during a failed attempt at smuggling Sonia out of the base. On the 15th, the Barrayarans prepare for war, some donning Cetagandan uniforms and face paint, others swiping mud over their faces to better camouflage themselves in the dark.

And the attack is a success. There's no real such thing as acceptable loss, but the top brass consider the 70 lives spent on the attack a fair cost for what they got: almost destroying the immediate Cetagandan power supply and the return of their Princess. Plus Byerly. The mood lightens considerably, but there is no rest in war, and just as soon as they take their next victory, Piotr, Dorca and Yuri are already planning the next move: finally retaking Vorkosigan Vashnoi.

camp
All three camps are heavily preparing, officers running drills nearly around the clock, quartermasters taking inventory and making sure every piece of equipment is clean and in working order, medical officers and techs preparing the sickbay tent as best they can for the inevitable injured who will return.

But despite the impending mission, tensions are still rising within the army – while top brass is vocally discouraging the fights that have broken out, it hasn't put a complete stop to them, and no one has openly endorsed the outsiders except for Piotr Vorkosigan. Vorvolk and Yuri are both still staunchly in the skeptic camp at best, but Dorca does not seem to have passed a final judgment on the outsiders before the attack. Perhaps he's merely biding his time, because for all the dissent about the outsiders, the Emperor hasn't barred Piotr from letting them participate in critical missions.

The soldiers make enough noise about it on their own. They're especially tetchy about the outsiders who crossed over from the Cetagandan side – they're as good as spies, as far as some of the soldiers are concerned. But even worse is letting Duv Galeni, a Komarran, not only remain in camp and feed on their resources, but actively participate in missions. For the most part, the soldiers in camp who have known the outsiders from the start and have befriended them are sticking with them, but the half of Piotr's army that was with Vorvolk after the split when the location of their last camp was discovered by the Cetagandans are nearly as suspicious as the Vorbarra battalion. Hostility towards Duv and those who escaped from the Cetagandan camp is especially severe, and it's no secret that some of them would prefer the outsiders dead rather than taking up space and resources in their army, though no one has been so bold as to actually make any attempts. Falco Vorkalloner, one of the Rangers who had been in Vorvolk's half of the army, hasn't been afraid to make his voice heard, though. He's even been heard saying that he thinks someone ought to make an example out of the Komarran and demonstrate just what they think of those who would side with the Cetagandans.

After the attack, the atmosphere of the camp is noticeably changed – the return of the Princess as well as what can only be considered a resounding victory for the Barrayarans has led to a jubilant and triumphant environment. And with Barrayarans, all celebration comes with a whole lot of drinking. Wine, vodka and maple mead are passed around aplenty in the nights and days following the attack, as soldiers burn offerings for their dead comrades and trade stories of action.

The tension with the outsiders begins to lessen after this victory, too. The fact that two outsiders, Wash and Lucy, are responsible for the Princess's rescue goes a long way toward relations between the outsiders and the rest of the army, and after the attack, Dorca gives the outsiders his endorsement as comrades to be trusted and honorary warriors fighting alongside them. Of course, this doesn't mean all hostility and tension merely dissipates – there are still plenty of soldiers like the now-deceased Falco who still think the outsiders are a threat and a parasitic presence. But things do start to lighten up a little after this victory...finally.

missions
General Piotr Vorkosigan himself leads the attack on the Cetagandan base, and Yuri leads his own contingent. Although there are some hitches getting in undetected, their plans to disable base security are overall successful, as is their sabotage of the power supply generators and Sonia and Byerly's rescue.

Meanwhile, Lakshmi and Sisko have found Falco Vorkalloner's dead body, and while it looks like an accident, it also looks like someone might have taken care to make sure it looked like one.

The unabridged mission results can be found here.

cetaganda
The social relief brought by the flower-viewing party quickly fades, and tension settles back over the Cetagandan base, underlined by Zahal's frustration with Piotr's flat-out refusal to meet his demands, or even so much as discuss them. He's sent more than one political ransom demand since Dorca's arrival, too, but to no effect. Given the recent guerrilla activity in Vorkosigan Vashnoi, he knows Piotr must be planning something, but with no informants left in the Barrayaran army, his intelligence is dry, and the investigations into weapons smuggling were ultimately fruitless. All known civilian resistance cells seem to have scattered and disappeared, their bases of operation boarded up or burned down. All he can do is concentrate as many troops as he can afford on the city's occupation, though he doesn't leave the base totally unmanned. But he does add another thousand troops to the occupying force in Vorkosigan Vashnoi in the week before the attack on the base.

Not everyone is being sent over, though, and the transfer doesn't make for as smooth a cover as one might hope. Gail is caught on an unauthorized trip to the city while off duty, and you might hear -- or overhear -- the dressing-down he gets from his commanding officer for it. He doesn't appear to have a ready excuse for it -- at least, not one that doesn't sound flimsy as hell.

Military matters affect those of the Star Crèche, however, and Zahal's frustration does not touch that sphere. Not that it isn't without its own tensions -- anyone who spends enough time with Diya and Sei (and Ba Talim, for that matter) will feel the rising tensions between them, though their origins are as obscure as the haut always are. The Star Gate Project, now officially under the jurisdiction of the Star Crèche, continues on with Micah at the lead, although they haven't for a moment forgotten that they are a prisoner here, or where their true loyalties lie.

After the attack, Zahal's fury reaches a boiling point, and since the Barrayarans did so much infrastructural damage, the consequences of military matters finally reach Diya and Sei, rankling them, too. The power shortage and damage to the science/medical complex has put a serious damper on Star Gate research, although as far as anyone is aware, the gene therapy trials and other related Star Crèche research goes on unimpeded, thanks to the successful protection of the secondary backup generator, which seems to exist only to power the medbay and gene labs. But since power is a hot commodity right now, Zahal is going to start pushing to reroute some of that power to what the haut would probably deem as lower priority needs.

base
The mood around the base is restless, Zahal's frustration trickling down into tensions among his officers and seeping into the very atmosphere. They're hardly prepared for the attack that comes because they don't even know what to expect. The soldiers all seem on edge, nervous, a little tetchy, particularly after Tarn's altercation with Diya and Natasha, and then the failed attempt to smuggle out the Princess -- but that did, at least, lead to the outing of Byerly Vorrutyer as a spy among the Cetagandans, confirming some suspicions held by the higher brass in Cetagandan intelligence. About the only comfort, if one can call it that, in all this tension is Byerly's summary fast-penta interrogation.

The gene therapy trials, despite some...trials, continue, and with much greater success than last month. Sei and Diya are as impassive as ever, but even so, there's a tangible undercurrent of mixed relief and triumph. Micahworks as feverishly as ever on the Star Gate Project with the aid and oversight of the military's scientific division and the exotics working as lab assistants. The satellite launch has proven to be a highly productive venture -- it's yielding data they couldn't have gathered otherwise, which is proving to be critical, and Micah spends time having Kaidan, Symmetra and Pearl put through another series of brain scans and consulting the neurology team as they study the results.

Although Sei is never seen outside of her force bubble, and doesn't actually travel around the base all that much, her presence seems to dominate the more civilian areas of the base, overshadowing even Diya -- although Diya is considerably less visible around the base after her altercation with Tarn. Amai is, of course, somehow seen just about everywhere, a constant social and professional presence that refuses to let anyone forget she's there. But after the 5th, she seems to be troubled -- she's far less impassive than the haut, and her anxiety and discomfort are much easier to see.

After the attack, Diya seems somewhat shaken -- it's almost impossible to tell how Sei is affected, but with facilities down, audits are being done on all existing projects to determine what's important enough to remain active while they have limited power. The base isn't quite in a shambles, but there's a lot of damage -- while the Barrayarans personally only carry swords and bows, they clearly have no issue with taking the Cetagandans' plasma arcs to wreak havoc at home -- and the atmosphere is overall demoralized. Sending more troops to Vorkosigan Vashnoi was clearly the wrong move, and it's a bitter pill to swallow, but Zahal begins to recall troops from the city in small waves to help better man the base, knowing full well that this must have been what Piotr intended.

missions
A few interesting tidbits are overheard in the dark of night, and Amai finds herself in the uniquely uncomfortable position of holding Diya's dark secret in one hand, and Sei's in the other -- and Ba Talim seems to know something, though it isn't clear what. And some creative hacking turns up some unexpected dirt on Sei that makes Diya's illicit ba experiments look like mere misdemeanors.

Despite the best efforts of the soldiers and the exotics and the fact that, even undermanned, they still outnumber the guerrillas by a landslide, the base is still overrun by Barrayarans and their attack is successful. The main and backup power generators are totally disabled for the time being, and it's unclear how long it will be before full power is restored to the base.

The unabridged mission results can be found here.

Note: Gavalas, Olivia, Zahal, Diya, and Sei & Ba Talim are available for threads on request. Hit up Madi (Gavalas, Diya, Sei & Ba Talim) or Ammay (Olivia & Zahal) if you'd like threads with these characters!

Comments

[protocol]

[ A pause. Quiet. Just staring up, for a while. ]

We've managed to go this entire time without doing a please don't tell anyone about this shit thing. Maybe because directly admitting that vulnerability is a hell of a thing for people like us. [ Turning his head just enough to catch Byerly's eye. ] But I'm also going to hope it's because it's obvious.

[ In other words, please don't tell anyone about this shit. ]

[vorrutyer]

[ A flicker of curiosity. What's special about this? But he'll be damned if he'll let this slip away. He spreads his hand over his heart, and bows. He will tell no one about this shit. ]

[protocol]

[ He's more concerned about his friends from home knowing than anything else, strangely enough, which is why -- after talking to Miles about this at least, after doing it the once, he's finding it easier to talk about it again with someone also not from home. Who's managed to somehow earn his trust. His friends from home, they -- they know less about him than they think. They know enough to be worried, but not enough to be horrified. Not enough to really understand what he's been through.

And he'd just. Rather it stay that way. They were affected by this, too, just as much of a victim of the Director. They all have their own burdens, and god they worry about him so much, more than he could ever imagine himself deserving of. he won't worry them more. This is his burden to bear, besides. No one else remembers but him. No one else has to.

Still. Fucking Byerly Vorrutyer. He can scarcely believe it. He just kind of eyes him for a while, before. ]

The Alpha was as good as human, to me. [ That's arguable, to some people, but he'll be damned if he lets them. ] But he was still an AI. A construct. Non-physical.

How do you torture something like that?

[ Lets see that inner Vorrutyer, if it exists -- or how cruel Byerly can really be, when it comes to manipulations and things of emotions and the heart. He remembers those hesitations, from earlier. Still doesn't think Byerly's nearly as vicious as he wants to seem. ]

[vorrutyer]

[ But By shakes his head right away, without even hesitating over the question. He doesn't even want to approach it. In spite of his masochistic desire to be perceived as like-a-Vorrutyer, his need to be despised and feared to reflect his own self-hatred and self-fear, he doesn't actually work all that hard at being convincing. Whether that's a mark of goodness or of laziness - who knows? ]

I don't know. [ And then, because he feels as though he ought to try to give some answer: ] Tell it that it's an AI? Existential dread?

[protocol]

[ Some amusement there, despite everything. ]

You're fucking terrible at being a Vorrutyer.

[ Seemed like that from the start, but he's more sure of it, now. Between you and Nadine, maybe something just skipped a generation, for once. He could go on, but that doesn't even feel genuine, at this point, so he just lets it lapse into silence while he finds some distance again. His eyes down, this time. This he has to be -- careful about. ]

It was based after a human mind, remember? So it had his memories, too. [ Even with that distance, god, he still -- can't. He makes some soft sound, has hunching forward slightly. He's been holding the knife loosely in his hand, but he ends up driving it into the dirt somewhere next to him, moving his hand up to rake through his own hair, instead. Kneading a little at the corner of his temples. This -- physically hurts. A dull, throbbing ache. ] He was desperately in love with someone. A woman, who died in the war.

[vorrutyer]

[ His lips twitch at that, give a little purse - displeased or uncomfortable or pleased, Byerly himself doesn't know which. He does give a rather grim - ]

Time will tell.

[ But that's not what matters here. What matters is the story. Not hard to guess, given that cue, what happened. Byerly hazards: ] So they tortured him with her. [ But there's also something else that matters: Wash's clear physical distress. And so By says to him, in a tone that brooks no argument: ] Come lay your head in my lap.

[protocol]

[ He shakes his head, in spite of tone. Wash is a stubborn one -- and a little more used to giving than receiving orders, besides. The words themselves are maybe too sharp, but there's no bite to them at all. ]

If you want to take care of me now, you're going to have to just come here yourself. [ A shift, his voice almost soft. ] Last thing I need right now is relaxing.

[ He needs to focus. He needs to keep his head. Breathe in, breathe out, nice and deliberate, inhale, count, exhale. You're here, David, you're here. You know who you are. Don't think of her. Don't think of her name, anything but her name, inhale, count, exhale. ]

They made him try to save her.

[vorrutyer]

[ Byerly ignores that last bit about relaxing. Instead, he stands, crosses over to Wash - less unsteady on his feet, now, they've been out here enough and the talk has been interesting enough that he hasn't concentrated on his booze, has been sobering up - and settles down beside him. He doesn't massage his temples, since Wash doesn't seem like that'd be all that welcome. Instead, he takes the man's hand and starts rubbing at it - damned skillfully, too. He didn't learn massage just for the purposes of arousal. He also learned it for comfort and help; he knows the pressure points to ease migraine headaches. He presses at them now.

Low and level: ]

And did he ever refuse their commands?

[protocol]

[ Wash almost instinctively snatches his hand away, reflexive, but some way or another he forces himself not to, though his eyes open for a moment to stare back at Byerly. He's just uncertain, uneasy, something strange and distant in his eyes, inhale, exhale, focus, breathe. Miles had reached out to him too, when he spoke about her, but that was different. They're terribly different people, as much as Wash has apparently come to trust them both.

He's not relaxed. Not even slightly. But he doesn't pull his hand away, just watching Byerly's face as his hands work for a few long moments. He looks down. Fixates. He can remember this, the way those fingers move against his own, of course he can, drinks it in. Focuses on that. It still hurts, but it's. ]

He couldn't refuse. Wouldn't have, even if he had the choice. [ God, how could he, he loved her, he loved her, he loved her he loved her and breathe, inhale, exhale. ] He'd never succeed, either, just like in the man's actual life. But every time, they'd reset him a little. Make him believe he could save her. And he was never able to.

[ Please. Just a little more time. I can do it, I just need -- I can save her, please, you don't understand, I need to save her, I can't, I need to save her --

Breathe. He turns his head away, shuts his eyes, has to pull his hand away from Byerly's, now, but not too suddenly, does it with surprising care. Just rakes both his hands through his hair, keeps them there, his head bowed, eyes closed. ]

[vorrutyer]

That's fine.

[ Byerly withdraws his own hands. He clasps them around his knees. When he swallows, he finds that he tastes bile. But he keeps his voice steady. He's damned proud of that, frankly. ]

I get it. You don't have to go on. I understand.

[protocol]

[ Wash does hear him, but he doesn't respond, for a while. He's more careful than to really let himself slip, but he just wants to be sure, sometimes, takes a bit more time to gather himself. Eventually, he takes a deep breath, his hands working their way through his hair, just staring up at the sky for a moment as he finally actually relaxes again. ]

Telling me to not to go on? [ Lightly, still no real bite to it. Turning his head just enough to look at Byerly beside him. ] That's new.

[vorrutyer]

I'm trying out kindness. Seeing how it suits me. Not sure yet.

Are you all right?

[protocol]

No.

[ He could say yes, but Byerly knows enough to understand how ridiculous of a lie that is, at this point. ]

I'll manage.

[vorrutyer]

I appreciate your honesty.

Is it always like that when you remember?

[protocol]

[ This Byerly is weird. Not unpleasant, or anything. Just weird. ]

That's me not remembering. [ A sharp shrug. ] I've got enough practice keeping everything untangled that I can talk around something easily enough.

You'd know, if I was remembering.

[ Unless he was asleep, of course, but it'd taken years before he stopped waking up screaming. ]

[vorrutyer]

[ A grunt. ]

Why? What happens?

[protocol]

Depends on what it is I'm remembering, I guess. There are milder things.

But some things -- hurt. A lot more than some headache. [ Thinking of her name is bad enough, but any time he hears it. ] It took time and practice for me to not wake up screaming most mornings. For me to not lash out every time.

[vorrutyer]

So why don't you switch the AI off?

[protocol]

All this happened when it was implanted. As terrible as they were, they didn't actually just leave it there when I started screaming my head off. I was sedated, and they removed it.

It was just already too late.

[vorrutyer]

[ He touches his lips briefly, uncertainly. Drops his hand again. ]

How long has it been, then? How many years of this?

[protocol]

[ Watching him, reaching for the knife he'd left stuck in the ground nearby, just to have something to do with his hands, starting to twirl it a little again. ]

Seven.

[vorrutyer]

Ah. When you were - what - thirty? Thereabouts?

[protocol]

Exactly thirty, yeah. Three years or so into the project.

[vorrutyer]

Ah.

[ He leans back. A moment - ]

So...Do you know who you are, then?

[ A little tilt of his head acknowledges the strangeness of the question, but he trusts Wash will get the meaning. Do you know where it is you end and he starts? ]

[protocol]

[ It is a strange question, but it's one Wash asks himself every day. There is something in his expression, mostly surprise because he hadn't been expecting it, this whole thing is difficult for anyone who hasn't been through it to understand, after all -- but something else, too. Something softer. ]

I do. [ A quiet exhale. ] But it took some time to find again.

[ Two years, to learn how to fully untangle himself from someone else. ]