forbarrayar | [ july log: we've been here so long ]

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[ july log: we've been here so long ]

Who: Everyone
What: Some go home. Some stay behind. None of them will ever be quite the same again.
When: July...ish
Where: the Barrayaran camp, the Star Gate ship
Warnings: you'll probably want some tissues

Quick links:
Barrayar / Star Gate Ship / Aftermath
🎶 For Barrayar: Endgame Mix 🎶
The unabridged mission results can be found here.

barrayar
The Barrayarans hit the Cetagandans hard, but they suffered their own fair share of losses as well. More than a few of Dorca and Yuri's troops were sacrificed in order to breach the shipyard perimeter, and it was easily the area with the highest casualty count -- on both sides. Others died during the infiltration and the skirmishes that broke out inside the base when the alarms went off, but Piotr lost fewer of his soldiers. Once the Star Gate ship was clear, the Barrayarans immediately fell back to retreat and regroup as best they can, and make sure they stay hidden.

Of course, they can't afford to waste the opportunity they have while the Cetagandans' heads are still spinning. According to intelligence gathered in the chaos, Haut Sei, the Handmaiden of the Star Crèche, was murdered shortly before the hijacking, and between those two things and Zahal's career starting to look like it's about to spin out, the Cetagandans are in a state of chaos. The Barrayaran diversions left havoc in their wake, with considerable damage to the Grow Labs, the research labs, and the gene labs. Conveniently, all evidence of Diya and Amai's illicit ba experiments was destroyed as well. But more than anything else, the Handmaiden's death is causing a panic -- not the least because Zahal is, in many ways, liable for the incident. Not to mention the destruction of all research associated with the Star Gate and every ounce of research and samples from the extrauniversals…nobody on the Cetagandan base is having a good week. And that's great for the Barrayarans.

They need time to recoup, and they're in no position to move camps right now, even though the Cetagandans are dangerously close to discovering their current location. So for now, Piotr puts their efforts toward tricking the already confused Cetagandans into thinking they've moved, or are about to. With a good distribution of decoy patrols and cooking fires in uninhabited parts of the mountains, and some leaked false intelligence, they seem to be keeping the Cetagandans in the dark enough to recover just a little bit, until they're ready to move for real.

The soldiers are weary -- the last few months have been trial after trial -- but slowly, they're recovering. The acrid smell of burning hair permeates the air around the camp as dozens of offerings are burned for the dead; some of them are even in honor of Lakshmi and Tucker. While Vex's not-quite-human appearance is visibly noted by the Barrayarans, by this point most of them are either too tired or accustomed enough to the extrauniversals that they let her pass without comment. Tarn's return to the camp is welcomed by absolutely no one.

For Vex and Natasha, however, Piotr has an offer and a pledge: they've both put their lives on the line for the Barrayaran cause in one way or another, and they're stuck here permanently, by choice or not. Just as he honored the other extrauniversals' efforts by helping them get home, he'll offer Natasha and Vex the best he can: a place to make their home. They're still at war, of course, but as long as they remain loyal to the cause, they have a home in Piotr's camp, and after the war -- when they win -- a home on Barrayar, in Vorkosigan's District, if they so choose.

star gate ship
Thanks to the efforts and sacrifices of the Barrayaran soldiers and a few of the extrauniversals, the Star Gate ship and everyone aboard it are able to get away and clear the planet before anyone can stop them, heading straight for the collapsed wormhole, a considerable distance from the planet itself. Many of the people who made it aboard did so only barely, and some of them are badly injured from the fight. Thankfully, Micah had the foresight to carefully stash away as many medical supplies as they could before the hijacking -- though even with Julian's help treating the injured, it isn't quite enough.

The Cetagandans aren't able to mount an immediate pursuit, so Micah directs the ship to be piloted around behind an asteroid cluster some distance away from the wormhole, but close enough for now. Which is good, because as soon as they have a chance to assess the ship and the Star Gate's systems…they realize they have a few problems. Thanks to Wash and Kaidan's help, however, they get the Star Gate up and running after a couple of days, and while the ship goes mostly dark to hide from their inevitable pursuers, they're able to keep the life support systems on while they begin the process of sending people home.

The atmosphere on the ship is quiet and mostly somber. Although no doubt many people are looking forward to going home, Sonia and Micah have forged some significant bonds with their otherworldly companions, and the recent losses in battle weigh heavily on many. Saying goodbye is never easy, but this…this is the most final of goodbyes. For some, it might be the hardest goodbye they've ever had to say.

It takes the Cetagandans less than a week to catch up to them, unfortunately, despite their attempts at hiding. Attempts at jerry-rigging one of the nuclear missiles to outfit it with an EMP charge instead don't go so well, and by the time the Cetagandans show up, it's too late -- and they open fire just about immediately. They land a few good plasma hits on the ship before Deanna helps get the shields up, and Micah takes the helm to perform evasive maneuvers as best they can while they hurry to get the rest of the extrauniversals through the Star Gate. The damage seems mostly superficial at first, until they realize the plasma damage has burned down to the ship's jump drive, which is connected to the Star Gate…which, once compromised, renders it completely useless. The Star Gate is as good as fried. Thankfully, Micah and Sonia (and, between bouts of hysterics, Amai) manage to get everyone through the Star Gate before this happens…except for Wash, who is unfortunately left behind on the ship with them.

aftermath
Once the Cetagandans hit them with plasma fire, the damage to the Star Gate doesn't set in immediately, but when it does, it's as good as fried -- guess they didn't need that failsafe after all. Unfortunately, it hits before Wash can go through, leaving him stranded on the ship with Sonia, Micah, and Amai.

There isn't anything they can do to fix it in short order, or really at all, and though the ship's shields are standing up to Cetagandan attack for now, they're still outnumbered five-to-one, and with their mission accomplished, there's nothing left to do but head back planetside -- or at least try. Prior to the hijacking going down, Micah and Piotr had established an exit strategy, so to speak: provided they could pilot their way back into Barrayar's atmosphere, the plan is to land the ship as far away from any towns or cities as possible and rendezvous with a contact of Piotr's in the lakeside village of Vorkosigan Surleau, about a day's ride from Riverfall, where they can lay low for a few days before trying to make their way back to camp. They do manage to land the ship -- well, it's more like a crash landing, but close enough. And before they book it for Vorkosigan Surleau, Micah makes sure to set a timed charge on the ship that will, if they've timed it right, detonate around when the Cetagandans catch up to them. Unfortunately, the explosion only takes one Cetagandan ship out of commission, but it's enough of a diversion that the four of them safely reach Vorkosigan Surleau. And then…then, finally, the Star Gate and its mission are over and done with, for better or worse.

[ NOTE: no mission top levels this time around; thread them as you like! If you would like a thread with any (not dead) NPC who doesn't have a top level, hit me up at

runawayballista. ]

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There's something exhilarating about pulling off the kind of operation they just did, and you can see it in Yuri's eyes, even as he's counting their dead and taking care of his own injuries. He'd been on the front lines there with his father's men, and he'd taken a bad plasma burn on one arm, but that's done nothing to damper the vicious satisfaction of having added a considerable number of Cetagandan scalps to his kill count. Of course, it's not over -- it's never over -- and there's much to do before he and his father march back to Vorbarra's District to continue their efforts at the center of the war. He's still a damned busy man, but for the first time since his arrival, since his last son's death, he seems to be alive with some new energy. He's even lending Natasha and Vex his usually mercurial respect if he encounters them -- despite them being both outsiders, women, and, in Vex's case, not quite human. It's as double-edged as it always is with Yuri, but in the grand scheme of things, it's probably the most pleasant, if a little unsettling, he's been since their arrival.

Tarn, on the other hand, is the last person he wants to see. In fact, he'd like to make sure he never sees Tarn again.

The only hitch in Yuri's post-battle exultation is his niece. Bring up Sonia and her cute little plan to not only tag along on the very dangerous mission, but take off in that ship, and what passes for his good mood will dissipate immediately. He'll tell you in no uncertain terms how he feels about that.

Dorca is much more somber in the aftermath, counting their dead with a heavier weight than Yuri. He is, after all, the Emperor. He's far from pleased with Sonia's little disappearing trick himself, and he might have a harsh word or two from her when -- if -- she gets back to camp, but mostly, he's gravely worried. There's been enough loss in their family, and the last thing they need now is to lose their youngest. He's less often seen around the camp than Yuri, and when he is, he's clearly on business, but he'll permit himself to be derailed if someone wants to have a word with him.

Well, unfortunately Tarn is exactly what he’s about to get.

After his utter failure in the Cetagandan base, Tarn has limped his way home and fallen into seclusion to sulk in private. He can’t believe that he’d missed his one and only opportunity to return home. He’s stuck in this wretched human body for the rest of his life.

To be honest, the gravity of the situation is still sinking in for Tarn. He’s taken to pacing the outskirts of the camp anxiously, stopping looking up to the sky occasionally. He needs to make a plan. He needs to figure out a different way to get home.

He may be too wrapped up in himself to notice Yuri right away, but when he does he forces himself to be alert. Tarn’s entire body is drawn tightly as he turns to confront the crown prince as their paths cross.

“I’m hardly in the mood for what ever you might have to say to me." In fact it takes everything that Tarn has within himself to not take his anger out on Yuri’s smug face.

Yuri already has one sword drawn as soon as Tarn is in his sight, his face set and cold, flat, utterly unforgiving. He'd wanted to kill Tarn weeks ago, but getting rid of him was the next best thing, if Piotr so insisted -- but the mutant had the gall to fail and then come back. But it would be a lie to say that Yuri wasn't in the mood -- if anything, the opportunity and freedom to do with Tarn as he wishes fills him with the prelude to vicious satisfaction.

"No, I doubt you are." Yuri's eyes are dangerously bright, gleaming with just a hint of madness. The edge of his sword catches the light of the setting sun, twilight settling in. "But I'm afraid your mood is irrelevant. I believe I told you once before you weren't welcome here."

He advances, sword at the ready. His voice drops to a snarl. "I have only two words for you, Tarn. Get out."

Tarn stiffens, catching the gleam of Yuri’s sword as he draws it. He doesn’t quail, holding his ground as the crown prince approaches. Scoffing, Tarn is ready to call what he thinks is Yuri’s bluff.

“My, I dare say that you are in even more foul a mood than I. Don’t embarrass yourself, little Prince."

Barrayarans don't bluff. At least, this one doesn't.

Yuri advances directly into Tarn's personal space, the point of his sword getting dangerously close to Tarn's throat. "I am not a man known for mercy, Tarn. But I will do you the small mercy of giving you a chance to turn and run now. And if you don't, you have my word -- I will kill you."

Tarn is quickly learning. He skitters back, keeping space between them as Yuri advances.

The suggestion of running is not something that he is eager to accept. A coward's method of handling conflict. Still, he's unarmed while Yuri holds a deadly weapon. Tarn scans the ground and nearby tents for anything to defend himself with.

His eye catches an axe discarded nearby a wood pile. He lunges to the side, intent to throw Yuri off enough to reach it.

Yuri is inclined to play with lesser opponents, feint and let them think they have the advantage at first, but he's not so foolish as to totally underestimate Tarn. Rather than jump to intercept Tarn, though, he lashes out with his rapier, a low blow to swipe over Tarn's legs below the knee and make him stumble.

"You're wasting your head start," he drawls in contempt.

Tarn barely has his feet under himself when Yuri lashes out, hitting him across the shins with the blade. He stumbles, falling to his knees, adrenaline cutting the pain in his legs and forcing him forward. He crawls, frantically reaching for the weapon.

Tarn's fingers just barely graze the handle of the axe before he attempts to make one last effort to lunge forward. Pain shoots up his leg and he grits his teeth, forcing himself to move, ignoring Yuri’s taunts.

Growling, Tarn manages to wrap a hand around the handle, pulling at it.

“Frag off.” He doesn’t quite have the leverage to pull the axe from the stump, but he refuses to give up.

They succeeded. That's the most important takeaway here, even after all death tallies are complete, even after evaluating all their losses: they won. Winning is all that really matters in this war, every little victory a prize, because if they stopped to care about anything else, they'll have lost already. On some level, Piotr feels that victory. But God, it came at a price.

Sonia's foolish stowaway onto the Star Gate ship has put a damper on all of it -- especially after all the effort and lives they'd spent getting her out of that damned base -- but news of Lakshmi's death has made Piotr all the more grim. And now that most of the outsiders are, hopefully, sent safely home…now it's time to carry on and focus on their next move: relocating. The Cetagandans know far, far too much about their current location; they know the Barrayarans are within hiking distance of Riverfall, and it won't take them much longer to find them. They're taking advantage of the Cetagandans' chaos to throw them into confusion, but as soon as his army has recouped, they'll need to move. As ever, he's preoccupied with the war effort, but after all that's happened lately, he'll stop to talk if there's something to be brought to his attention.

Sonia expected the aftermath of the battle, the success of the mission, to be totally exhilarating. And in a lot of ways, it was. A win, against such odds -- it's hard not to find celebration in that. But hell, it did it ever come with a price.

She's struggling with Tucker's death, someone she'd been so sure would make it. Somehow, the idea that he'd die in battle had never really seriously posed itself as a possibility to her. It makes the blow that much harder to take, and she's been finding quiet places to cry where she can, just to get it out. It feels like there's so much that needs to come out, sometimes.

But she can't let that dominate her mood on this trip. She doesn't know how it'll go, how it'll end, and it's quickly sinking in that there's a good chance they might not make it back home in one piece after this -- that this might have been a very, very stupid mistake -- but she does know that all her friends are about to go back home, and as grieving as she is, she wants to make the best of this time. She wants to make sure she gets to say goodbye to all of her friends before they leave.

So it might be a little tap on the shoulder, a quiet hello, or her best attempt to put on her usual sunny smile when she approaches you, because if there's one thing Sonia's learned in war, it's that you can't wait too long to say goodbye. And if she doesn't know you -- well, what a better time to meet you than now?

As tense as things still are -- the Cetagandans must be coming up on them soon -- there's been a lull in the aftermath of the fight, an almost winding down. But not quite. Sonia knows she won't finally unwind until well after they're back on Barrayar. If ever. She knows she won't ever be the same, at any rate.

Sonia doesn't imagine Byerly's any happier that she snuck along to get on the Star Gate than the rest of them are. Only Miles seemed to be truly glad about it, and Miles...well, he's Miles. But she has a feeling that Byerly, having tried not once but twice to break her out of the Cetagandan compound, might not be so thrilled.

It's just as well they haven't talked about it. Sonia's been feeling terrifyingly fragile since Tucker's death, held only in place by focusing on the moment, one foot in front of the other. There's so much to do, so much to process. So many goodbyes to find a way to say.

She knows Byerly will be leaving soon. Gone forever. As he should be -- he shouldn't stay here, he can't -- but she doesn't think she'll ever meet anyone like Byerly again. There isn't anyone who could take his place. She approaches him near the Star Gate, knowing he'll be gone soon. She's uncharacteristically quiet, somber, but the light in her eyes when she looks up at Byerly is genuine.

"Dear Byerly," she says in a soft voice, a slight, momentary tug at the corner of her mouth.

Here they are. On the very edge of going home. Miles' wounds are still not in great shape, but he's as patched up as he's going to get before he finally gets real medical care. Mentally wounded too, still reeling from Lakshmi. He'd known their marriage would have been brief at best, but - that had just been cruel.

So there are a few rounds left to make now. And his great aunt is first and foremost among them. He'd resolved to go looking for her right when she taps his shoulder, so he turns with as much of a smile as he can manage. Weak, but there.

"I guess this is it, then."

It's all been such a whirlwind, since they lifted off and broke free of Barrayar's atmosphere. Tucker's death -- the near-failure of the Star Gate -- all of it, it's been hard to keep up with. Hard to process. Maybe she won't really get a chance to until all this is over. The idea doesn't sit well with her, that when they're all gone, she'll be alone with her thoughts. Without her friends.

Sonia is so easily overwhelmed by sentiment, and she can feel tears already welling up in her eyes, but she quickly blinks them back. She wants to savor this moment -- she wants to remember his face. "You don't have to sound so bleak about it," she says lightly, trying to inject a little levity into her voice. "You've already been through the battle. You're not marching off to your noble death. You're going home, Miles."

She'll still miss him fiercely. She's never known anyone else like him. Where the hell is she going to find another confidante like Miles Vorkosigan?

God, this has been a hell of a journey.

They aren't even supposed to be on this side of the wormhole right now. They were supposed to have been smuggled off-planet with Xav months ago, past the barricade, back to the nearest Betan embassy to get in touch with the government, request more aid, do whatever politicking Xav always does best. And Micah should back on Beta Colony, sharing the information they've collected to devise better strategies to get past the Cetagandan blockade, to get as much aid to Barrayar as possible. And yet here they are, on a stolen ship outfitted with a device that six months ago even Micah might have laughed off as something out of the fantastic, commanding what might well be a suicide mission.

And yet, they don't find within themself any regrets.

They're tired. They've been running a marathon for weeks, months, and they're almost at the finish line. But they keep their head up. Being in charge is sort of terrifying, but they direct everyone the best they can, guiding people through the Star Gate, managing to keep a cool head when crisis strikes. This, they can do. They need to keep this whole mission on track, even if it doesn't end well for the rest of them. But what they really want is just a few minutes to say goodbye.

They've made some unlikely friends, these last few months, and a few very likely ones. That had helped keep them level during their involuntary work for the Cetagandans, but the truth is, all of them had helped pull this off. Micah has every one of them to thank for making it possible. Making it possible for Micah to finally fulfill their goal, their hope, of sending all the stranded home.

But saying goodbye isn't ever easy. And they don't want their friends to leave while saying goodbye. So it might be hard for Micah, a little shy and reserved at times, to approach people for goodbyes and last words. But they're trying. And if anyone comes to them…well, it'll kind of be a relief.

Edited 2017-07-14 05:04 (UTC)

The past few weeks, Deanna feels as if she's been rushing headlong towards the Stargate without much time to think of anything besides plans and hijackings and maneuvers. And now that the time has come to finally leave Barrayar behind, she's finding it difficult to say goodbye. Particularly to a certain Betan.

Even as the gate is being configured properly for her return trip, she turns towards Micah, and without a word, wraps her arms tightly around them and presses her cheek into their shoulder.

Micah is only the slightest bit startled, but they've talked before now, about how things will inevitably be changed for Deanna when she returns, and it isn't as though things between them haven't been somewhat fraught. Not in a bad way, though; never in a bad way, not when it comes to Deanna. Micah tenses only fractionally in surprise before they return the hug, embracing her just as tightly with a little puff of breath.

"You'll be alright," they say quietly, and they're not sure why, but...some kind of assurance feels in order. Something to make her feel safe.

"I know," she whispers back, her eyes welling up with tears. After a long moment of letting herself simply hold onto and be held by Micah, she steps back, just a little, to look at them. Gently, she takes their face in her hands, as if by doing so she can make herself remember. "I just don't want to say goodbye."

Micah bites their lip, Deanna's hands warm on their skin. They reach up to gently curl their hands around her wrists, holding on in their own way.

"Don't think of it as goodbye," they try, giving her a small, encouraging smile. "Think of it as..."

But they fail to come up with anything. If all goes according to plan, there will be no chance that they'll ever see each other again. It's the entire point. This can't be anything but goodbye. They fumble for a moment, dig in their pocket and pull out a set of dog tags. They haven't worn them in months, they've been on sabbatical all this time, but they've carried them along anyway. Micah pulls back enough to press the dog tags into Deanna's hands, folding their own hands over hers.

"Oh," Deanna breathes, gratitude and loss mingling together in that sigh. A few tears escape, dripping onto their joined hands and she sniffs. "I don't... there's nothing I can give to you." She has her uniform back, to return home in, but nothing else survived, not even her combadge.

Oh, Micah wasn't prepared to see tears. They find themself blinking back their own in sympathy, squeezing Deanna's hands.

"You've already given me plenty," they say, keeping their chin up even as their voice goes a little thick. "I'll just hold onto that."

Well... there is one thing she can give them, at least. Leaning in, Deanna places a soft kiss on their lips, then rests her forehead against theirs. "I won't forget you."

Amai has absolutely no idea what to do.

She's worked her whole life thus far to avoid falling into the dull and frankly gauche family business of plumbing, crawled through the fiercely competitive ranks of ghem women scrambling to work with a haut geneticist. She's been brilliant, she's been vicious, she's been unfailingly loyal, even when she'd been dragged into Diya's mad ba experiments. And then she'd overheard too much of the Handmaiden, gotten blackmailed by a couple of aliens, and oh, God, she's pretty sure what she's done by now is tantamount to treason and the Haut Sei is. She just hopes that her message made it to the Star Crèche unintercepted. That would be the only thing that could salvage this mess now.

If her own life can still be salvaged. Can she possibly go back to the Cetagandan base, after helping to steal one of its greatest assets and destroying the rest? With no haut authority left to appeal to, does she stand any chance of rejoining her own people? God, it's a mess, and Amai is looking down a long, long chain of consequences she never intended or wanted. So, now that her work is over, she's been pacing the ship in distress, her face paint mussed and starting to wear away after a few days without re-application, chewing her finely manicured nails into oblivion. She's less preoccupied with goodbyes than her own dilemma, because the truth is the aloof geneticist hadn't made much in the way of friends among the exotics. But if anyone does want to have a last word with Amai ghem-Soren…now's your chance.

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[ july log: we've been here so long ]

NPCS: BARRAYAR

Emperor Dorca/Crown Prince Yuri

:')

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Piotr Vorkosigan

NPCS: STAR GATE SHIP

Sonia Vorbarra

Byerly

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THIS IS SO LATE AND I'M SORRY

Micah Niadem

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SORRY FOR THIS EXTREMELY LATE TAG

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Amai ghem-Soren